Some reflections...

I remember the day clearly. Jonas and I walked into the church and when we came out we were married, husband and wife! It was a strange feeling. That’s how I felt when we came back from the hospital. We walked in, I had a big belly and when we came out, I had a smaller belly and we had this living, breathing person riding back with us. In a flash, it was more than just Jonas and me - we were a family.

It has been 3 weeks and the surreal feeling has not completely lifted. I still find it hard to believe she is here. J and I have talked about our feelings and it is so hard to sort them out. Compounded somewhat by being tired all the time, all my emotions are extremely intense. Everything I feel – love, joy, fear, I am experiencing like I have never before. During the pregnancy I felt love for the baby and a sense of anticipation for her arrival. But the moment I saw her there was this bubbling happiness I never felt before. Last Sunday Jonas talked about experiencing God’s love in a new way after Esther was born. He really is starting to understand how God must feel towards us. It is very beautiful.

I am also learning what it means to be tired. I know that all of you parents can identify and are probably shaking your heads in agreement! I didn’t know you could be so exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I wake up to nurse Esther at night and every limb in my body is fighting the gravitational pull back into bed and I think to myself, “How in the world am I going to do this?” Then I just look at her little face making those (extremely loud) smacking sounds, and I forget everything else – the tiredness, exhaustion and irritation. All I want to do is hold her and comfort her. Knowing I can do that brings so much satisfaction.